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Dadding Practice
Before he was even a twinkle in my eye, I had some ideas about what I wanted to teach my hypothetical son. Most of us do; without necessarily meaning to, we all take stock of what worked for us as...
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Election Play
They supposedly have all these rules and restrictions about who can and can’t vote. But this is America: We don’t make rules. We break them. And so my son totally got his vote on this morning, and I...
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Why I’m Raising My Son To Be a Bird
“They’re my kids, I own ’em.” – Homer Simpson I created my son. And I will mold him to be exactly the person I want him to be. Except for the fact that I don’t want him to be a person. Because I’m...
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Baby in the Bar, Dot Com
Apparently this guy has a problem with babies being in bars, and as a result he’s decided to create a website devoted to “shaming” parents by posting pictures of them behaving “badly” by bringing their...
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Baby Rule: Hookers aren’t good role models
A few years ago, well before my son was gestating in her uterus like H.R. Giger‘s worst nightmare, my wife bought a bunch of fabric in order to snip and sew into a Halloween costume. Wanna see it? THIS...
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He Learned It By Watching Me?
Watching a child grow and develop is an amazing thing, a true privilege as a parent. It allows even the most cynical, jaded and beaten-down of us to experience anew the simple joys of youth. It gives...
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Child Abuse
My son has been involved in a few violent incidents recently. And I’m not just talking about the constant finger-biting he does when we try to brush his teeth, though that is not fun either. I don’t...
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Dealing with Tantrums
Ah, tantrums. Even the word sucks. But it’s got nothing on the experience. When you have a toddler, they are impossible to avoid. But, rumor has it there are ways to defuse them. If you’ve got the...
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The Birds and the Bees. Minus the Birds.
Recent circumstances are forcing me to consider explaining some of life’s most difficult truths to my young son. He is still a few months away from his second birthday, but some conversations just...
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In Defense of “Texting While Parenting”
There’s been a lot of chatter lately about the texting habits of parents. The tenor of the conversations is mostly negative, and a lot of words have been spent excoriating parents for using their...
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Fifty Shades of Parenting
I am not totally against the idea of corporal punishment. But if my kid swats at my face one more time, I am totally putting him in time-out! Sigh. There are a lot of things about being a parent that...
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And the Hits Just Keep On Coming
On Tuesday I wrote about the possibility of hitting my son. Mostly because, lately, he won’t seem to stop hitting me! This is on my mind because my son has recently developed a swatting problem. And I...
View ArticleZombie Post: Decorate at Your Own Risk
A year ago at this time, my son was just starting to walk. So installing the typical holiday furnishings was an invitation for disaster. He’s learned a lot in the last year of his life (for example,...
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Me Toddler. You Jane.
Children don’t understand decorum. They don’t know that society has rules. That society demands you behave in a certain way in certain places. It’s called being civilized. Children are not civilized....
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Parenting Reward Chart
A few days ago, we procured a reward chart for our son. The hope is that by incentivizing his behavior we can train Detective Munch into a decent, reasonable person instead of the feral four-year-old...
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Parents are Overrated
I’m kind of a big deal. But you already knew that. I mean, I’m regularly featured on Scary Mommy. Of course, even if I weren’t a world-renowned blogger whose diatribes about how living with children is...
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Fun with Discipline
Disciplining your children can be hard. But with the right attitude, disciplining your children can be a laugh riot! I love putting my son in time-out, not letting him stay up any later, taking things...
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In Defense of “Because I Said So”
Last week, a friend of mine wrote a nice little post about a subject that’s dear to my heart. He had me at the title: It’s Not Just a Phase. Kids are Assholes. They sure are! Unfortunately, despite our...
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Empty Parenting Threats
When it comes to getting your kids to do something they don’t want to do, there are basically three tactics you can employ: bribery, threats, and just giving up and doing it for them. Doing it for them...
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